Reflections from a funeral

This past week brought the tragic event of the death of my second cousin Max, called to God in His perfect time, but a time too soon for the family and friends close to him. He died alone in an accident, rolling his truck over into a stream.

I have to admit that I didn't know Max very well, he was seven years younger than me and was in a branch of my extended family that we drifted apart from after the deaths of my uncle and my mom. It's sad that some families drift apart, but I guess it's part of the cycle; kids grow up, have families of their own and start their own life stories when the previous generations have passed on. I don't think I'd seen Max since my wedding almost eight years ago, and then he was an awkward but friendly teenager. I liked him, as I liked his whole family.

I don't intend this post to be a hagiography of a relative I didn't know well enough. It would be unseeming of me to inflate my grief, but it was evident from everything I heard about him that Max was a remarkable young man, and his death a great loss to his loved ones.

No, I intend this post to be about faith and humility, both of which those left behind will have to have in the time to come, both of which I've seen in his family. Max's family, just like every other family--mine and yours--has had their problems, problems which I only know of generally and are not my place to discuss here anyway. But let's just say that they are problems that have broken many people.

But in a sense, they are broken people, as we all are, if we care to admit it. What has always struck me is that all of that part of my family still not only have faith, but it is a faith that has seeped in, internalized, and taken root. Not "professional Catholics," whatever that means, theirs is a faith that recognizes the frailty of one's self and knows the limits of one's strength. But most importantly, recognizes that the true strength to sustain comes from God alone. God alone upholds us in our frailty; God alone is the source of strength; God alone is the source of comfort. All other strength and comfort may come through intermediaries, but their source ultimately is God Who is merciful, God Who loves, God Who shares our sufferings.

Ours is a god who did not suffer cruel death so that we may say, "I'm OK, you're OK." Rather, "I'm not OK. You're not OK. But that's OK." For we are broken people. We are sinful man. We are tempted to cruelty, selfishness, pride and arrogance. But the love of God can transform not only clay into flesh, but hearts of stone into receptacles of burning divine life.

Max was not, I'm sure, a perfect person. But then again, neither am I and neither are you. The point is not whether we are perfect, for by definition that's out of the question. The point is whether we recognize our need for God, and if we recognize that need, whether we seek Him.

Like the parable of the tax collector and the pharisee (Luke 18:9-14), we may either say within our heart that we're Basically Good People (TM) and not in need for God's mercy, so we receive none. Or, we may recognize in His wounds our own guilt and need for mercy, and asking it, receive it.

Grief is a terrible pain at the sense of loss of a loved one. But I believe that grief is a manifestation of God's mercy. Grief makes evident to us the fact that our hearts are made for love, and when a person we have come to love is gone, we recognize that our hearts are missing something that we cannot provide. In grief, we have a need that only someone else can fill. All of us have a need that only someone else can fill, and that recognition is a shadow and a glimmer of the need we have in our hearts that can only be filled by God.

May the angels lead you into paradise;
may the martyrs come to welcome you
and take you to the holy city,
the new and eternal Jerusalem.

May choirs of angels welcome you
and lead you to the bosom of Abraham;
and where Lazarus is poor no longer
may you find eternal rest.

Whoever believes in me, even though that person die, shall live.
I am the resurrection and the life.
Whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.

Happy Birthday!

To the Queen of Heaven...


















...and to the queen of my home!


















(and you can wish her a happy birthday here.)

I'm in love with my son's Kindergarten teacher...

...and she has her own new blog! She's really smart, really wonderful, really beautiful, and, well, I could go on. But instead of letting me blather on about her, you should check her out yourself.

Some ruminations from a funeral

My sister-in-law's father passed away and the funeral was this past week. The Mass was at a church that my wife and I go to on occasion, but it was celebrated by a visiting priest. My wife and I were nervous, because at funerals with visiting priests and a lot of people in the pews who don't usually attend Mass, you just never know what will happen, as LarryD can certainly attest to. We were quite relieved, though, as the priest actually stuck to the rubrics of the Mass, and didn't turn an occasion for praying for the deceased and comfort for his family into a canonization rite or a New Age meditation on oneness. He reminded us that God's plan is for our eternal union with Him but pointed to the centrality of the Cross in that plan. The priest comforted the family members that at death we do not cease to exist but hopefully enter into the fullness of life eternal with God, and we offered prayers for the mercy of God to be extended upon this man and all of us.

At different parts of the Mass I looked around at the church and pondered the symbolism of what I saw: the crucifix, whose victim purchased the mercy we were imploring; the statues of the saints, whose preaching and lives of witness made possible our own life in Christ; the baptismal font and Easter candle, present and central to every person's entry into the Church, and now present at one's exit from earthly life; the incense, which carries forth our prayers and worship to God in heaven, yet lingering to sanctify the space in which we worship.

These things are what the Church wishes us to ponder in the Liturgy, and the priest, acting according to his responsibilities, allowed me to ponder such things because he wasn't competing for my attention.

Sincere condolences

...to the family of Kevin Archbold. and to my sister-in-law's family for the loss of their father David.

May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Angel Band
by the Stanley Brothers

My latest sun is sinking fast
My race is nearly run
My longest trials now are past
My triumph has begun

Chorus
Oh come angel band
Come and around me stand
Bear me away on your snow white wings
To my immortal home
Bear me away on you snow white wings
To my immortal home

Oh bear my longing soul to him
Who bled and died for me
Whose blood now cleanses from all sins
And brings me victory

[chorus]

I know I'm near the holy ranks
Of friends and kindred dear
I brush the dew on Jordan's banks
The crossing must be near

I've almost gained my heavenly home
My spirit loudly sings
The holy ones, behold they come
I hear the noise of wings

Back when Hollywood still viewed Catholicism

...as a force for good in the world, it produced The Trouble with Angels. Released in 1966, I just recently saw it for the first time. Probably run of the mill kid fluff at the time, I was really impressed with its treatment of Catholicism in general and the religious life in particular.

The plot is simple: two rambunctious girls attend four years at an all-girls Catholic school run by an order of religious sisters. Watching this movie struck a chord with Wifey and me, because my wife was the rambunctious redhead at a school just like this one. My wife started laughing when the eldest retired sister was asleep at the dinner table. (I thought maybe she had died, so I didn't get the joke. But her school was, like in TTwA, also the Motherhouse of the order, so she had elderly nuns asleep at the table all the time.)

Haley Mills plays Mary Clancy, the antagonist of every prank in the movie. Rosalind Russell is stunning as Reverend Mother. The Trouble with Angels is a character study. The charm of the movie lies the growth into maturity of Mary Clancy and her friend Rachel Devery, along with the softening process as Mary begins to see Reverend Mother as less the dragon who thwarts her "scathingly brilliant ideas", and more the strong, devoted woman who quietly but passionately loves her Lord and her girls.

It's a fun movie to watch and the kids enjoy it. Unlike its changing-with-the-times hip and vapid sequel, which should be avoided like bells on Good Friday, I highly recommend The Trouble with Angels.

Note to self:

snipped shamelessly from Diogenes:
quote from Cardinal Ratzinger's 1984 address to German seminarians:

The ability to accept and weather suffering is a fundamental condition for succeeding as a human being. Where it is never learned, existence is doomed to failure. Being up-in-arms about everyone and everything contaminates the ground of the soul, so to speak, and turns it into barren land. The priest must learn how to cope with pain -- formerly one spoke of asceticism in this context. No one likes this word any longer; it becomes more palatable when we translate it from Greek into English -- training. Everyone knows that without training and the will-power that goes with it there is no success. Nowadays one trains for all kinds of skills with enthusiasm and persistence, and in this way record performances in many areas are possible that were once deemed inconceivable. Why does it seem so outlandish to train for real life, for the right life -- to practice the arts of self-denial, of self-control, and of freeing ourselves from our addictions?

As a reminder of this, near my desk is a small copy of an illustration from an old copy of the Imitation of Christ, where Christ is being whipped and mocked by the soldiers in his cell. The caption: "Cease to complain, remembering my Passion."

Man, do I need to be reminded of that often.

Carly Simon and Roberta Flack point to Christ?

Last week for days I couldn't get this song out of my head. Roberta Flack's recording of "Will you still love me tomorrow?" by Carole King. [My apologies, I couldn't find the actual recording, but here is a beautiful cover (of the cover). Now before I get to the point, let me just say, yes Roberta Flack had a low alto voice and this guy can sing as high in the tenor range as I can, but I can't sound soft and sultry like this. It's kind of creepy, but a great recording...]

Anyhoo, I've always found this song to be haunting, but I never put my finger on why. But the more it played over and over again in my head, a clearer understanding began to form. For the same reason that this song has captivated so many people (and been re-recorded by just about everyone who ever sang into a microphone) is that is expresses a longing, fragile tenderness that exists in every human heart. This song, whether the singer knows it or not, is about the search for God.

At first glance, that may not be what you see. In fact, at first glance, you could assume that this song is either about a couple growing serious in their affection for one another and about to make love (out of wedlock, we assume) or it could be about a one-night stand.

Now, let me get something out of the way. A good friend of mine frequently makes the "poop in the brownie" argument, which goes sort of like this: Good stories don't need to engage in gratuitous sin, even if it's just a little bit. After all, just a little bit of dog poop ruins the brownie batter. When she first made that argument it disengaged me, knocking me from my perch, rendering me unable to press for what I believed. Yet that argument, while relevant in many discussions, doesn't enter here. I'm not talking here about a gratuitous sex scene that adds nothing to the plot of a story, but is obligatory in order to reap box office cash, nor am I talking about torture porn (read: "Saw"), no matter how compelling the story may have ended up being. I'm talking about the glimmers of hope and transcendence even in sinful endeavors, the rays of light that may peek into a darkened corner that nonetheless reveal that there is a sun above.

The woman in this song is about to give herself to her lover, opening her body to his, revealing her inmost self. And in a moment frozen in time, she stops to question him. She is suspended in time while he stands before her, oblivious to the torrent of her heart within. Like Tevya, she wrestles with questions that may not have an answer. She looks to her lover to question him, but no answer comes, for the question remains only in her heart. But also like Tevya, it's not the answer that's important for the moment, but the fact that she grapples with the question.

Tonight you're mine completely,
You give your love so sweetly,
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes,
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure,
Or just a moment's pleasure,
Can I believe the magic of your sighs,
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken,
You said that I'm the only one,
But will my heart be broken,
When the night (When the night)
Meets the morning sun.

I'd like to know that your love,
Is love I can be sure of,
So tell me now and I won't ask again,
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
-Carole King

What she is looking for, what we all are looking for, is not a love that is illusory, nor a love that only seeks its own pleasure, for that is not love at all. She seeks a love that lasts, a love that has no bounds. She wants a love that is everlasting. The woman in the song is playing at a dangerous game of trust, and she knows how dangerous it is, yet she can't do anything but trust anyway. She needs to trust, she needs to succumb to a love outside of herself. She needs to fall, hoping that her lover will catch her, though she knows that he may fail her.

Why, then, must she fall anyway? Why do we all run headlong into the abyss seeking after something that in this life seems never to fulfill but always to disappoint?

It is because we are made that way. We are created with one goal in mind: love. God, who is Love itself, created us with the sole intention that we might be one, in love, with Him for all eternity. But God does not force this love upon us. We must choose Him, Who loves us so much that he gave himself up for us, yet still allows us the freedom to love Him in return.

"27The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for:

The dignity of man rests above all on the fact that he is called to communion with God. This invitation to converse with God is addressed to man as soon as he comes into being. For if man exists, it is because God has created him through love, and through love continues to hold him in existence. He cannot live fully according to truth unless he freely acknowledges that love and entrusts himself to his creator."

Psalm 63:2-8

O God, you are my God-- for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water.

So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory.

For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship!

I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands, calling on your name.

My soul shall savor the rich banquet of praise, with joyous lips my mouth shall honor you!

When I think of you upon my bed, through the night watches I will recall

That you indeed are my help, and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy.

The woman in the song is not looking for sex; she's looking for unending love. Like that quote from Chesterton, every man who walks into a brothel is looking for God.

Btw, if you want to read about other songs in our culture that in their own way point to the reality of Christ, visit Twisted Mystics.

I'm not afraid to say it...

I cried. Like. A. Girl.


h/t: CMR

I saw One like a son of man coming...

I've been trying to do this post for a while. Back when I was a CatholicVote junkie, one of the guys on the site, who is, I believe, an atheist, or at least cynical said something that caught my interest and I can't seem to shake it.

The discussion had centered and meandered around abortion, the response of the bishops, Notre Dame, Catholic politicians; you know, non-emotional, non-controversial, non-open-to-misunderstanding kind of discussions. And of course some of the pro-lifers (rightly) quoted Scripture passages about divine judgment, wrath of God, the fate of those who do evil and call it good, etc. One poster on the site made what he thought was a profound and highly insightful comment, which I'll try to reconstruct from memory: "All you 'real Catholics' on here seem like you're filled with anger and judgment. You want to vilify Obama and pro-choice Catholic politicians and you gravitate towards those passages of Scripture that satisfy your bloodlust. It doesn't seem very loving, patient, or kind."

What he and others seem not to understand is that we cannot choose the image of God that we want, at least not completely. Yes, God is the loving Father, the Good Shepherd, the Divine Healer, the spotless Lamb and the protector of orphans and widows, Who said "Let the children come unto me." Yet we cannot forget that Jesus is also the Alpha and Omega, He Who was, and is and is to come. He is a mighty warrior, and the Just Judge (!) who is pictured with the sword of his wrath coming out of his mouth, saying that he will spit us out of His mouth if we are lukewarm.

The comfort of the afflicted, and the affliction of the comfortable is our loving God. We may see these as opposing pictures, but in God they are one.

What do the pictures above say to you?

Fitting for the Immaculate Conception

Special thanks to Nathaniel Peters for linking this on the First Things blog.

We sang this one year at the sem (though not nearly this well). Biebel's Ave Maria is one of the most beautiful choral pieces I've ever heard. Happy Advent.

Please don't watch it distracted, as beauty like this deserves your attention.

Keep this in mind next time you see a singing holiday tree in Home Depot

Speaking of how not to celebrate Christmas, wifey and I were talking today about all those kids' movies that celebrate the magic of the holiday within all of us...

Frankly, I'm sick of trying to come up with as many marketing ideas that show this "magical season" while blatantly avoiding the meaning of why the holiday is there in the first place.

Tell the story of Christmas! Not how a little mouse saved Christmas by making sure the bell tower worked. Not how a train engine worked together with his friends to cheer someone up. Not how Mrs. Brady got her voice back in time to sing Christmas carols.

Talk about Jesus. Born in a stable, laid in a manger, worshipped by the shepherds, reverenced by learned men, feared by kings, cradled by Mary, protected by Joseph, glorified by hosts of angels. The child born to make men free.

Writer's Blogck

I am relatively new to this medium and have up until now been afflicted by a perfectionistic writer's block. As I drive to work and go through my day, at least ten ideas run in my head of blog topics, but when I sit down to the computer, they all either disappear or I want to make sure it is absolutely polished and complete before I commit it to publication. Partly, it's my own sense of perfectionism in what I do, partly it's out of respect for you the audience and the message and purpose this blog serves. But I have to remind myself, "This is a blog! Not the Wall Street Journal or Time or a graduate thesis." I'm sure it will be rough, but if I massage every word and phrase incessantly to the point of journalistic impotence, no purpose will be served. This doesn't mean I want to churn out mediocrity because the audience will take it; it means that I want to get my views out there and now, I'm not doing that. If I am unclear, hopefully that will spark some discussion that in clarifying, we can get to a point we never would have got to otherwise.

Marriage as Sacrament

I'm reading a spiritually rich book right now by Dietrich von Hildebrand called "Marriage, the Mystery of Faithful Love." I want to share with you this short passage in the foreword to this edition, published by Sophia Institute Press, by the late archbishop of New York, John Cardinal O'Connor.

"Marriage as a Sacrament, then, becomes the concrete, earthly expression and incarnation of God's saving love for each of us. Herein lies the essence of the sacramentality of marriage: through the loving marital relationship, God continues to make known His presence in the world.

"In effect, when marital love and commitment that is open to life is expressed, God continues to take on flesh. God's love, therefore, does not simply transcend our own flesh, but rather comes and dwells in our midst. For a Christian, then, the vision of marriage must be rooted in one's commitment to Jesus and faith in Him as Lord.

"Jesus announced the advent of His Kingdom as one of tenderness and intimacy. He speaks of a God whose love, mercy, and forgiveness is extravagant, limitless, and without reservation. He is a God of concern who is totally and permanently faithful in bringing Creation to fulfillment by constantly drawing us back to Himself, the source of all goodness. Since marriage is the living, tangible, sacramental sign of this love, these characteristics are to be expressed and experienced in the marital relationship."

~~~

mission statement

So... a little about me.

I grew up here in Southeastern CT, the youngest of four kids. Not the most athletic kid, I was from early on interested in art. I began my college career studying architecture, but left it to follow another path. I switched to philosophy, studying for a couple of years for the Catholic priesthood. It proved not to be my vocation, as I finally realized that I was still in love with the woman who would become my wife.

At this writing, I am 26 years old (now having to stop and do the math...), am married to my beautiful bride Patty, and have three little boys tearing up the house. I shouldn't say house; actually, it's the Incredible Shrinking Mobile Home. It's nice for now, we got it before the people here before us let the maintenance pass beyond the point of no return. A lot of work, and watch your step.

I call myself a graphic designer, but I think the term graphic mechanic fits better. I took the job at the printing company for graphic design experience, and ended up staying on, eventually becoming prepress/ production manager, juggling, putting out fires and fixing all the customers' print files. I like the work that I do, but what I really am interested in is a project I don't know how to start.

I want to launch a magazine for Catholic young adults. Arts, theology, culture, politics, all in the light of Christ. I haven't come up with a name yet, but I do have a mission statement: "To seek out that which is holy, right and good in the world today, and to use it, like all good things, in the service of Christ." I see it as part coffee house, part apologetics guide, part cultural review, part evangelization tool.

More on that later...

Rejoice

The title, "Exultet," is the Latin word for "rejoice." The reference is to the first word of the ancient hymn that the Church uses to open the solemn celbration of the Easter Vigil Mass throughout the world.

"Rejoice heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes forever!..."

Christ's death on a cross paid our ransom from sin, and His resurrection destroys the power of death. He has risen; He shall die no more! And we shall rise with Him! We have much to rejoice about, alleluia!

It is very important that this is the starting point for this forum. I plan on discussing many things here: current events, history, theology, literature and the arts, science, and anything else that seems important. The fact is that much of it is bad news, and I would be irresponsible to pretend that there is not darkness all around us. However, we must never lose hope that the victory is already won, and our task is to remain faithful to Christ, who is the way, the truth and the life.

All are welcome to join the discussion. I hope that our conversations will be fruitful.